The Missing Cheat Code
Recently I’ve introduced an e-Book for download, called The Cheat Codes for Dating, Relationships and Sex 3.0, The Guy’s Version. You can download it and sign up for my mailing list. The Cheat Codes are a collection of previously hidden knowledge that nobody bothered to teach young guys. I simply don’t want you to go through a long, drawn out, and painful learning process like I did. That’s why I’m sharing this knowledge.
The cheat codes have 14 pearls of wisdom every guy should know. In some cases, guys will catch on pretty quickly. Maybe they don’t need all the cheat codes. That’s fine. On the other hand, I’ve had a 36 year old guy tell me some of the knowledge was completely new to him, even at 36. Let me know if they work for you.
Despite there being 14 cheat codes, there are a few things I left out. One of them seemed less like a cheat code, and more like an introduction to all the cheat codes. I was debating whether it should be cheat code 0, or maybe the missing cheat code. Instead, I’ll share it here.
This might very well be the most important lesson guys of all ages need to know.
You see, starting from a very young age we grow up exposed to stories on TV and in the movies. We learn the behavior of the characters and we tend to accept that as real. The six year old watches as Bambi courts his girlfriend Faline and the child takes for granted that anthropomorphism of courtship is how real life works. (Yes, Bambi was a buck. Bambi is a boy’s name!) We rent the movie Hitch and watch the dorky, chunky accountant Albert win over the socialite Allegra Cole under Alex Hitchins’ tutelage. At the same time, we watch Alex Hitchins suffer the exposure and collapse of his confidential dating business, yet still win the heart of Sara Melas at the end.
While on the surface we understand that these romantic stories are just that, stories, we also fail to understand a key factor. Stories are meant to be appealing, especially in western culture. Stories follow a pattern, and have throughout the millennia! Throughout history, the hero suffers, grows, overcomes and wins in the end. If this pattern is broken, the story fails. If the story fails, the money stops coming in to the studios, because people inherently want to see that pattern. Conquest over adversity. That sells!
In real life, prospective heroes lose all the time. Nobody wants to see that.
The behavior of the guy trying to date a girl simply doesn’t matter in the movies. He might have his ups and down, and the movie Hitch alludes to that. Still, in the end we know he’ll win her over. So why bother watching?
Let’s face it, guys DON’T typically watch rom-coms (romantic comedies) precisely because those stories generally are not appealing to men. The rom-com is appealing to women, so they are written specifically for women.
When it comes to romantic comedies, us guys have been cast aside. Rom-coms are written to be specifically appealing to women, who make up 52% of the movie-going audience. (Gender statistics for specific genres are more difficult to find online.) The behavior of the guy in the movie is always the woman’s fantasy of how the guy would behave, and still appeal to her in the end. The behavior in the movie is pure female fantasy, and not realistic. The fantasy does not contain masculine behavior, or even attempt to depict it. It depicts male behavior as interpreted by a woman. There’s nothing natural about that. Don’t try to replicate it.
You might be asking, “Why not give a woman her fantasy? Wouldn’t that be a perfect way to win her heart?”
It seems logical, but it doesn’t acknowledge the role of sexual fantasy in our lives. First of all, fantasies often represent elements of our psyches that have been unfulfilled. The fantasy acts to fulfill certain needs. If you doubt that, try examining your own fantasies. Secondly, the fantasy gives us an opportunity to fulfill our needs under our own control, in our own way, and privately in our minds. Thirdly, many people are ashamed of their unfulfilled needs, especially in the sexual arena.
The rom-com, in its many forms, is ultimately a female fantasy. It’s not for guys. It provides an avenue for women to see their fantasies acted out in a story and acknowledged by others, without the shame of having to admit they have the fantasies.
By confronting a real woman with her participation in her own fantasy you take away her control of the fantasy, force her to acknowledge her unfulfilled needs, and risk bringing up the shame she feels for having those desires. How do you think she’s going to react?
Trying to copy that courtship behavior risks making a woman confront her fantasies when she’s not ready to do so. It risks making her reject you for being nothing more than a fantasy, and possibly one she is ashamed of. Now do you want to try it?
Ignore every story you see in the media about dating, relationships and sex. Instead of copying rom-com behavior, develop a life of your own and your own style of personal interaction. You’re best off finding a woman who is attracted to the real you.